How to Build Small Moments of Connection Into Everyday Life

Last week, we began exploring how important positive relationships are for our wellbeing 

Once you’ve identified your most valued relationships, it’s time to consider how much effort or “work” you’re putting into them. Do your actions reflect how you really feel about this person? Are you doing enough to let them know they’re valued? 

Let’s continue to explore how we can cultivate deeper and more meaningful relationships and connections, even with complete strangers. 

How Do Micro-Moments Help Us Connect?

Research has found it takes just a micro-moment to genuinely connect with another person (Fredrickson, 2013). You can do this with your facial expressions like your smile, by turning your body towards someone while they speak, by touching their arm in sympathy, and of course, through your words.

There are many levels on which you can connect with others but how you communicate plays a significant role in your ability to connect. 

Think about this for a moment: how often do you walk by someone and say, “Hi, how are you?” and continue walking? Are you sending the message that you really care about how they are when you keep walking? Probably not, most likely you’re doing this out of habit. 

Would it be more effective to smile, greet them, and wish them a great day? This would take the same amount of time but is perceived much differently. Try it and see what happens. 

Communicating with intention and adapting your communication to the context you’re in can help you connect with others more meaningfully, whereas communicating on “auto-pilot” can render the whole experience meaningless. 

Here are some other examples of micro-moments you can  share with another person:

• Share one or more positive emotions between you and another person by asking “What’s going well?”
• Synchronize your biochemistry and behaviors (by looking into their eyes, mirroring their body language, or matching their vocal tone).
• Embrace the feelings of mutual care that arise. Be vulnerable with one another.

The Contagious Effect of Emotions

Researchers describe this process of connection between people as positivity resonance and have found it results in an upward spiral of warmth and trust (Kok and Fredrickson, 2010).

Whenever  I’m walking the dogs, jogging, or biking, I will make eye contact, greet and most times wish someone I pass along the way a good day. Not only does this make me feel better, but it usually puts a smile on the other person’s face – this is referred to as emotional contagion. Positive sentiments and emotions breed more of the same in ourselves and others. 

“Emotional contagion is the tendency to automatically mimic and synchronize expressions, vocalizations, postures and movements with those of another person automatically and consequently, to converge emotionally.” (Hatfield, 1993)

Summed up, happiness and unhappiness spread.

A new study finds that a person’s happiness is influenced by the happiness of other close friends and family, and to a lesser extent by the friends of friends, up to three degrees of separation. Reflect on this for a moment, and think about how you may have been positively impacted by a family or friend who shared the good news with you. 

Did it automatically put a smile on your face or result in a positive gesture? Notice this the next time it happens and savor the moment.

Continue to invest in your relationships

• Be fully present when you’re talking to someone, turn your phone over, your emails off, and really listen.
• Be grateful and thank one person every day for how they make your work or day a little better or easier.
• Check in on someone you haven’t seen or talked to for a while and ask how they are doing.

Keep going, keep growing…

Related posts:

Why Are Relationships So Important to Our Wellbeing?

How Workplace Relationships Impact Our Wellbeing and Psychological Safety at Work

Give and Take: Striking the Right Balance to Cultivate Thriving Relationships