All relationships require some degree of give and take. We give to others to show our support and love and occasionally we receive and take from others to fill our own cups too.
It’s important that relationships have the right balance of giving and taking. If you’re always giving you’re more likely to build resentment, feel uncared for, or burned out and if you’re always taking, others may see you as opportunistic and self-involved – both of these extreme scenarios can make having relationships a bit tough. When there’s a mutually beneficial relationship we’re more likely to have thriving and lasting relationships with others.
As we wrap up this relationship series, let’s explore relationship styles when it comes to giving and taking.
Give and Take Relationship Styles
According to Adam Grant, there are three reciprocity types; the giver, the taker, and the matcher.
Givers look for ways to be helpful to others, matchers are more likely to trade evenly with others and find the win/win in a scenario, while takers are focused on getting as much as they can.
It’s natural for us to express each of these types at one point or the other but we all have one style we’re most dominant in.
These preferences play as much of a role in your success as hard work, talent, and luck according to Adam Grant (2013).
Discover which relationship style or reciprocity type is most like you by taking the Give and Take Quiz.
The Giver: A Woman’s Fate
Women tend to be givers. It’s built into our DNA. We’re the ones who sacrifice our bodies for the joy of bearing children, the ones nurturing those very children and giving up our personal time to help them thrive, the ones who feel they have to say “yes” to ALL the requests, just to keep up with our male counterparts at work or avoid disappointing our friends and family.
Additionally, women are more likely to take on the role of peacekeeper often leading to a people-pleasing mindset. But the risk for selfless givers is that they can eventually burn out or grow resentful when their own needs aren’t met.
Below are some suggestions for becoming a more effective giver while still keeping your own needs in mind.
How to Be a More Effective Giver While Prioritizing Yourself Too
- Set boundaries around when, how, and to whom you give to, and focus on the most meaningful relationships.
- Be willing to ask for help when you need it, rather than worrying about imposing on others.
- Invest in five-minute favors to help someone in your network. Share knowledge, make introductions, or provide emotional support to someone who needs it.
According to Grant and Rebele (2017), these are some other habits of highly effective givers:
- Prioritize requests for help, say yes when it matters most and no when you need to.
- Give in ways that play to your interests and strengths and creates energy for you.
- Refer requests to others when you don’t have time or lack the skills.
- Secure your oxygen mask first, you will be more effective in helping others.
- Look for ways to help multiple people with a single act of generosity.
- Plan blocks of time to help versus ignoring your own priorities. You will be more effective and more focused.
- Learn to spot takers, they will drain your energy and distract you from your own priorities.
- Be cautious of matchers, they are so busy exchanging favors, no one really gets ahead.
Which style did you get in the quiz? If you’re primarily a giver, I encourage you to reflect on these behaviors and habits so you can find more balance in how much you give to others and take for yourself.
Keep going, keep growing…
Related posts:
Why Are Relationships So Important to Our Wellbeing?
How to Build Small Moments of Connection Into Everyday Life
How Workplace Relationships Impact Our Wellbeing and Psychological Safety at Work
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