Have you ever found yourself stuck in the paralyzing grip of perfectionism? That voice that whispers, “It’s not good enough yet,” or “What if someone finds a flaw?” I’ve been there—and I’ve learned that perfectionism might be one of the most deceptive barriers to both personal growth and professional success.
The Hidden Cost of Perfect
I inherited my father’s eye for detail and his expectation of excellence. He approached his hobby with landscaping with meticulous precision, creating beauty through perfect execution. While this taught me the value of quality work, it also planted the seeds of perfectionism that would both challenge and shape me.
My father’s standards became my internal measuring stick. Each task, each project needed to meet an impossibly high bar. Sound familiar?
What I’ve experienced firsthand—is that perfectionism often disguises itself as high standards when it’s actually fear in professional clothing. As Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research demonstrates, our happiness and success are significantly influenced by both what we’ve learned and our environment. My perfectionist tendencies were shaped both by genetics and by watching my father’s approach to work.
When Perfect Becomes the Enemy
In my leadership roles, perfectionism initially appeared to serve me well. Detailed analysis, thoroughly prepared presentations, meticulously documented processes—all hallmarks of “good work.” Yet I began noticing how this approach was limiting not just my own progress but also my team’s growth.
Perfectionism silently sabotages us in several key ways:
- It creates analysis paralysis—we become so focused on getting everything right that we procrastinate
- It blocks creative thinking—we become too risk-averse to explore innovative approaches
- It prevents us from delegating—we don’t trust others to meet our impossibly high standards
- It burns us out—constant vigilance against mistakes is exhausting
The Wellbeing Connection
Before we talk about alternatives, let’s address an often overlooked truth: perfectionism takes a significant toll on our wellbeing.
Research in positive psychology, shows that perfectionism is strongly linked to:
- Increased stress and anxiety as we constantly worry about meeting impossible standards
- Higher rates of burnout and exhaustion from perpetual self-criticism
- Diminished joy in achievements as we focus on flaws rather than successes
- Strained relationships when we extend our perfectionist expectations to others
- Reduced physical health due to chronic stress and delayed self-care
I experienced this firsthand during intense periods of my career. The pursuit of perfect presentations, flawless initiatives, and impeccable leadership often came at the cost of sleep, personal time, and mental peace. What I initially viewed as “dedication” was actually an unsustainable approach that undermined my overall wellbeing.
The Grit Alternative
My journey toward overcoming perfectionism began through necessity. As a single mom working full-time while pursuing degrees, perfect simply wasn’t possible. What I needed instead was grit.
Angela Duckworth defines grit as “passion and perseverance for long-term goals.” It’s the ability to maintain effort and interest over years despite failure, adversity, and plateaus in progress.
Unlike perfectionism, which focuses on flawless execution, grit embraces setbacks as part of the journey. It values progress over perfection and prioritizes consistent effort over spotless results.
My Turning Point
The real transformation in my relationship with perfectionism came in 2008 when I completed my coach certification and launched Journey Bound Coaching while continuing my HR role and beginning to teach at the University of St. Catherine. This leap required courage I wasn’t sure I possessed.
Starting something new meant being a beginner again. It meant being visibly imperfect as I developed new skills. It meant focusing on progress rather than polished outcomes.
The nurturing spirit I inherited from my mother—who cared for my special needs brothers with unwavering love and adaptability, especially after a fire dramatically changed one brother’s life—became my guide. She tackled each day’s challenges not with perfectionism but with practical, compassionate determination.
The Science Behind the Shift
Research backs up what my experience taught me:
Studies from Brené Brown reveal that perfectionism is often linked to fear of judgment and shame, while positive psychology shows that developing a growth mindset helps us see challenges as opportunities rather than threats.
Self-compassion demonstrates that treating ourselves with the same kindness we’d offer a friend—rather than harsh perfectionist criticism—actually improves performance and resilience.
Practical Steps to Build Grit
For those looking to make the shift from perfectionism to grit, here are approaches that worked for me:
- Start small. Small improvements compound over time. Focus on progress, not perfection.
- Practice self-compassion. When you make mistakes (and you will), speak to yourself as you would a valued colleague.
- Set learning goals rather than performance goals. Ask “What can I learn from this?” instead of “How can I do this perfectly?”
- Build implementation intentions. Create specific plans for how you’ll respond when obstacles arise.
- Seek feedback earlier. Share work-in-progress to get input before you’ve invested too much in one approach.
The Leadership Ripple Effect
As I led Employee Resource Groups and global diversity and inclusion initiatives, I discovered that embracing my own imperfections created psychological safety for others. Team members became more willing to take risks, share early ideas, and collaborate without fear.
Coaching I offered to women navigating career transitions taught me that perfectionism is particularly challenging for many women leaders. When I shared my own journey from perfectionism to progress, it often unlocked something for them as well.
The Journey Continues
Building grit isn’t a one-time achievement but an ongoing practice. Even now, I feel the pull of perfectionism when facing new challenges. The difference is that I recognize it sooner and have practical tools to shift my focus back to progress.
It’s about taking imperfect action and launching forward even when conditions aren’t ideal.
What area of your life or work might be waiting for you to release perfectionism and embrace grit instead? What small, imperfect step could you take today?