I have a confession to make.
For years, even as an HR professional coaching others on their development, I tried to do my own growth work alone.
I’d read the books. Take the assessments. Make the plans. Set the intentions. Journal about my goals. Create detailed spreadsheets of action steps.
And then… nothing would change.
Or worse, I’d make progress for a few weeks, feel excited about the momentum, and then slowly slide back into old patterns. The confidence I’d built would erode. The boundaries I’d set would blur. The vision I’d clarified would fade back into the daily grind.
I’d blame myself. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I follow through? I have all the knowledge. Why isn’t it working?
It wasn’t until I finally invested in my first coach and joined a mastermind group that everything changed.
Not because I got new information. Because I stopped trying to do it alone.
The Isolation Tax
Here’s what I’ve learned both personally and professionally: Self-awareness without support leads to temporary motivation, not lasting transformation.
You can have all the clarity in the world. You can know exactly what you need to do. You can have the perfect plan.
But if you’re trying to execute that plan in isolation, you’re paying what I call “the isolation tax”—and it’s expensive.
The isolation tax shows up as:
1. Lack of accountability
When no one knows your goals but you, it’s easy to let them slide. That boundary you were going to set? “Maybe next time.” That difficult conversation? “I’ll wait for a better moment.” That opportunity you were going to pursue? “I’m not quite ready yet.”
The American Society of Training and Development found that you have a 65% chance of achieving a goal when you commit to someone. That number jumps to 95% when you have ongoing accountability appointments.
Without accountability, even strong intentions fade.
2. Pattern blindness
You can’t see your own blind spots. The stories you tell yourself, the excuses you make, the patterns you repeat—they all seem perfectly reasonable from inside your own head.
I’ve lost count of how many times a coaching client has said, “I never saw it that way before” or “I didn’t realize I kept doing that.”
You need an outside perspective to see what you can’t see.
3. Motivational depletion
Willpower is a finite resource. When you’re relying solely on your own motivation to push through challenges, develop new habits, and stay focused on long-term goals, you will eventually run out of gas.
This is especially true for women leaders who are already giving so much to everyone else. By the time you get to your own development, the tank is empty.
You need external energy sources to sustain momentum.
4. The loneliness of leadership
Here’s what no one tells you about career advancement: The higher you go, the lonelier it gets.
You can’t be vulnerable with your team (you’re supposed to have it together). You can’t fully open up to your boss (they’re evaluating you). Your friends outside work don’t understand the pressure. Your family is tired of hearing about it.
So you smile, say “I’m fine,” and carry the weight alone.
Isolation breeds imposter syndrome, anxiety, and burnout.
5. Lack of modeling
When you’re trying to create a career path that doesn’t look like the traditional male-dominated trajectory, when you’re attempting to integrate ambition with authenticity, when you’re building success that honors your whole life—who’s showing you it’s possible?
You need to see other women doing it to believe you can do it too.
The Years I Tried to “Figure It Out Alone”
I was stuck in a cycle I couldn’t break.
I was successful on paper—climbing the corporate ladder, earning promotions, and building my reputation as a strong HR leader. But internally, I was struggling.
I battled imposter syndrome constantly. I said yes to everything and resented it. I worked 60-hour weeks and wondered why my family felt distant. I gave great advice to others, but couldn’t seem to apply it to myself.
I read endless books on leadership, confidence, and work-life balance. I took assessments. I made plans.
Nothing stuck.
I did two things that changed everything:
First, I hired a coach. Not because I was broken, but because I was tired of spinning my wheels. For the first time, I had someone who saw my patterns, called out my excuses, and held me accountable to my own stated values and goals.
Second, I joined a mastermind group. Suddenly, I wasn’t alone. I was surrounded by women navigating similar challenges—the pressure to prove themselves, the guilt about boundaries, the struggle to advance without losing themselves.
Here’s what happened:
- I set boundaries I’d been avoiding for years
- I started teaching at a university (something I’d wanted to do “someday”)
- I began planning my eventual transition to coaching
- I developed confidence I didn’t know was possible
The difference wasn’t information. It was support, accountability, and community.
Why You Can’t Do This Alone
Let me be clear: I’m not saying you’re incapable. I’m not questioning your intelligence, your willpower, or your commitment.
I’m saying that lasting transformation is not a solo sport.
Think about any significant achievement in your life. Who was there? Who believed in you when you doubted yourself? Who held you accountable? Who celebrated your wins and helped you navigate setbacks?
It’s hard to build anything meaningful alone.
And yet, when it comes to our own professional development, we somehow think we should be able to figure it out by ourselves. That needing help is a weakness. That asking for support is an admission of inadequacy.
That’s not strength. That’s self-sabotage.
The most successful leaders I know—the ones with the most integrated, fulfilling careers—have built intentional support systems:
- Coaches who provide expertise and accountability
- Masterminds who offer community and collective wisdom
- Mentors who model what’s possible
- Peers who understand the journey
They didn’t get there alone. Neither will you.
The truth is, momentum multiplies in community.
You don’t need to have it all figured out before you reach out for support, you just need to be willing to stop going it alone.
That’s exactly why I created the LEAP Forward Framework: to help women professionals build a life guided by clarity, alignment and confidence, so they can grow with structure and support that fits their season of life.
Here’s how I can help you right now:
- 1:1 Lead With Impact Coaching: Personalized career and leadership coaching to help you navigate challenges, clarify your next chapter and lead with confidence.
- Momentum Mapping Workbook & Workshop (coming soon): Tools to turn reflection into action with a focused, integrated plan.
- LEAP Alliance Mastermind (coming soon): A small group experience for women ready to grow together, with accountability, honesty and support.
Because real transformation doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens when you invest in yourself and surround yourself with people who believe in your potential.
When you do that, the progress you make doesn’t fade after a few weeks. It becomes sustainable, grounded and self-reinforcing.
Ready to explore what that could look like for you?
Let’s start the conversation. Set up a time to chat here.